Confessions, part I

I am itching to get home and grab my sketchbook. I have so many ideas that are being stirred inside and I have to get them out on paper. I'm struggling with learning how to make a transition between who I have been and what I want to be. None knows me as an artist, especially since my husband exudes his creativity, but I think it's time I own up to who I really am. A confession...

When I was younger I loved to draw. I mostly sketched, had buckets of crayola markers, and could spend hours doodling on a big sheet of paper. I never took it seriously.

I will never forget the day I did a doodle for Jared. It was about a year ago, at our friend's home in Divide, Colorado. I can't remember what he was doing but I was alone most of the day and I just happened to run across a big box of markers. I didn't think Russell (my 7 year old buddy) would mind if I borrowed them for a bit. I cleared a spot on the floor (my favorite place to work) and began creating. About 2 hours later I had a picture that made me blush with pride. Bright colors, obscure figures, and lots of flowers, all made this picture somehow more mature than the ones before. It had been about 3 years since I had really let loose and it felt amazing.

Needless to say, the markers made their way out on the floor more often after that day. I was just coloring for fun and I was becoming better with every shape and design. By this point every day was filled with new ideas and I couldn't wait to get home and play.

I still have a lot to learn. I don't know if I'll ever accomplish all I dream of when it comes to my art, but I want to try. Coming to Baton Rouge, I knew I wanted to make time to really explore this piece of me.

I feel like I have to voice what I want for fear that I might push it further back. I want to end up doing this, this luckilu thing, for my career. I don't know if I am good enough yet. I don't know if I have what it takes to be the best, but I do know I desire it more than anything else. I want it. I can taste it. There will always be someone better, always someone's work I compare myself negatively to, but right now, I want to be oblivious to that. Right now, I just want to have fun.

My first goal is to have the luckilu site up and running by the end of this year. I want it to be sooner, but I always want it to be well thought out. That would be the best Christmas present ever.

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Update: I'm feeling a little better about the job situation. About 10 minutes after I wrote my last post, Jared called to say he has a job! Yay! Also, the bank contacted me to say "expect an offer soon." Thank you Lord. It doesn't take much to turn your day around!